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Fight The Ape!

Fight The Ape!


Sitting at a table in a darkly lit, but elegant fine dining restaurant are a middle age LADY and GENTLEMAN. The man takes a bite of his food slowly while his wife takes a drink of white wine.

Suddenly he looks physically pained as he carefully swallows his food. His wife looks concerned.

LADY: Dear are you all right? You’re not having another heart attack are you?

GENTLEMAN: No, nothing of he sort. It’s this food. If I can call it food. It’s absolutely revolting. I don’t think this is at all what I ordered.

He takes another bite and grimaces in shear disgust.

GENTLEMAN: This is really awful.

LADY: Then stop eating it, dear.

GENTLEMAN: You should really taste this and tell me if it’s not the most awful thing you’ve ever tasted.

LADY: No thank you.

He cuts a small piece with his fork and places it on her plate.

GENTLEMAN: Try this.

LADY: Oh, God no. It smells putrid.


LADY: No! Just get it away. 

GENTLEMAN: Oh, don’t be like this. Just try the bloody thing. It won't kill you.

He pushes it toward her.

LADY: I said no. Get it away!

The waiter notices and walks over to their table.

WAITER: Is there something a matter?

GENTLEMAN: Well, it's just that this... (points to plate) – This is positively disgusting.

WAITER: Really? Well it looks fine to me.

GENTLEMAN: Try some then.

WAITER: No, thank you sir.

GENTLEMAN: Are you sure? (puts a piece on his fork toward the waiter)

WAITER: (moving away) Quite sure, sir. We can't be eating of our guests plates, you understand.

GENTLEMAN: I understand. It really is bad, you can take my word for it.

WAITER: Would you like me to get you another?

GENTLEMAN: Would it taste like this? Because this here napkin looks more appetizing. Perhaps I can suggest to your chef to read a cookbook.

WAITER: Sir? No need to be rude.

GENTLEMAN: I’m not being rude, I’m stating a fact. Perhaps you should just give me my money back.

WAITER: I’m afraid sir, I cannot do that.

GENTLEMAN: And, why the hell not?

WAITER: Well sir, as you may know, our policy clearly states that you’ll have to fight the ape.

The waiter looks off-screen. The Lady and Gentleman look in that direction. The CAMERA PANS over to REVEAL a large SILVERBACK GORILLA sitting in a FINE ORNAMENTAL CAGE. The gorilla sits and chews on a blade of grass.

GENTLEMAN: Yeah, alright. (stands and takes off his diner jacket.)

He gives the jacket to his wife to hold. The waiter, man and wife walk over to the cage. The man rolls up his sleeves. 

The silverback notices the man approach. The gorilla lets out a GROWL.

The waiter stands beside the MAITRE'D at the opening of the cage.

MAITRE’D: Okay. You know the rules. No gauging, biting or scratching. If you survive three minutes or knock the ape out, you’ll receive one complementary meal. Understand?

The man nods. 

The gorilla paces back and forth. He snorts and howls.

MAITRE’D: (hand to cage) Ready?


LADY: Kill him, baby!

MAITE’D: Ready, set, Go!

The Maitre’d opens the cage, the man runs inside and the cage is locked behind him. The gorilla charges forcefully, teeth bared at the man. The man has a look of sure terror on his face and try’s to turn away and flee.

The ape can be seen just catching up with the man as the CAMERA PANS AWAY. Sounds of the ape ripping into the man can be heard.

People look with shock and frozen faces until we hear a WOMAN’S SCREAM.

All is quiet.

The camera closes in on a table at the back of the room with a COUPLE in their early 40’s, well dressed and with their son CHARLIE, age five. His eyes are wide with awe.

People can be heard eating again and the dining room music, a small JAZZ TRIO begins to play again.

His mother notices Charlie staring off.

MOTHER Charlie?

The boy looks up at his mom.

MOTHER Your soup is getting cold.

Charlie looks at his soup. He takes a mouthful and looks outside at the passing traffic.



Banner Photo: Gorilla Eating Powdery Food by Eric Kilby / Processed with VSCOCam X3 preset / CC Attribution-ShareAlike